The Best of Twilight

Stephanie Meyer's Twilight's Best (the parts that made me laugh;)

"Ladies first, partner?" Edward asked. I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot.
  "Or I could start, if you wish." The smile faded; he was obviously wondering if I was mentally competent.
  "No," I said, flushing. "I'll go ahead."

  It was surprisingly difficult to concentrate on the road while feeling his gaze on my face. I compensated by driving more carefully than usual through the still-sleeping town.
  "Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"
  "This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some respect," I retorted.

  In Phoenix, they held proms in hotel ballrooms. This dance was in the gym, of course. It was probably the only room in town big enough for a dance. When we got inside, I giggled. There were actual balloon arches and twisted garlands of pastel crepe paper festooning the walls.
  "This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen," I snickered.
  "Well," he muttered as we slowly approached the ticket table — he was carrying most of my weight, but I still had to shuffle and wobble my feet forward — "there are more than enough vampires present."   I looked at the dance floor; a wide gap had formed in the center of the floor, where two couples whirled gracefully. The other dancers pressed to the sides of the room to give them space — no one wanted to stand in contrast with such radiance. Emmett and Jasper were intimidating and flawless in classic tuxedos. Alice was striking in a black satin dress with geometric cutouts that bared large triangles of her snowy white skin. And Rosalie was… well, Rosalie. She was beyond belief. Her vivid scarlet dress was backless, tight to her calves where it flared into a wide ruffled train, with a neckline that plunged to her waist. I pitied every girl in the room, myself included.
  "Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?" I whispered conspiratorially.
  "And where do you fit into that scheme?" He glared.
  "Oh, I'm with the vampires, of course."
He smiled reluctantly. "Anything to get out of dancing."
  "Anything."