The best of New Moon (Stephanie Meyer's Twilight "saga")

Heidi- ho!
  Here are some of my favourite clips from the New Moon I read through the winding days of the summer.

/.../   Both Jacob and Mike had claimed the armrests on either side of me. Both of their hands rested lightly, palms up, in an unnatural looking position. Like steel bear traps, open and ready.
/.../   Jacob was back in a few seconds.
"Oh, he's in there, all right," he said, rolling his eyes. "What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit."
"I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that." /.../
  I sighed, and then groaned when the sigh scraped my throat. I was reading too much into the story. Romeo wouldn't change his mind. That's why people still remembered his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That's why it was a good story. "Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris" would have never been a hit.  "Did I frighten you?" His low voice was anxious. This was very good, as delusions went. The face, the voice, the scent, everything—it was so much better than drowning. The beautiful figment of my imagination watched my changing expressions, with alarm. His irises were pitch-black, with bruise-like shadows under them. This surprised me; my hallucinatory Edwards were usually better fed./.../
    His face turned bright red. He took a few deep breaths before he answered.
"Would you like to explain where you've been?"
Oh, crap. "There was… an emergency."
He raised his eyebrows in expectation of my brilliant explanation.

Of course, there are even better moments, but seems most of the best humour is set in book three (Ecplipse) and four (Breaking Dawn). And no, I'm NOT reading book five until she decides she'srun out of money or will to stall or both.